Saturday, September 27, 2008
Burn up the pain, my thoughts are strange.
I hate.
I try to ignore, but it's in me, twisting through my gut like a small rusty fishing hook. I want to scream, to claw my eyes out, to do anything that'll take it from my mind -- even if for a fraction of a second. I want something that'll shut these voices up.
I wish I had a gun, something that could deliver me from myself. Deliver me to a place where there are no worries, no need to wonder if anyone cares.
No more of this false existence. Like Lady Macbeth before me, I cast you out, damned spot.
I want to bleed
Show the world all I have inside
I want to scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive
la vie en rose
5:26 PM
Who Am I? What Is This?
"Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
In my early years, I blossomed in the backwaters of Osgood, Indiana. While its charming backwardness helped to shape me into the member of the female species whom I am today, I do not regret hightailing it out of the seventh level of Hell after graduation ended. What was it like to live outside of civilization? Watch Deliverance, Mississippi Burning, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?...you'll see the point I'm making here.
My specialties are foreign languages (specifically German and Japanese), Asian studies and history, linguistics, world literature, and etymology. The fine arts, if they please.
I am: a halfbreed, bipolar, borderline, schizo, paranoid, anxious, occasionally depressive, constantly battling the desire to bring harm to myself, sometimes battling the need to kill others, not easily put into any identifiable sexual preference group, polyamorous but am not a "slut," in an open marriage, a mother of three, creative sometimes, working on a novel, a published poet, a fanfiction writer, an artist of many trades, an infrequent singer these days, a wannabe musician, a lover of all musical genres, a big kid who still adores cartoons, a big nerd specializing in everything imaginable, and...well, this list could go on, but I won't let it.
Warning: Be prepared to read all sorts of political, psychoanalytical, macabre, philosophical, self-analytical, and just general babble within this journal. If the thought doesn't turn you on, then go elsewhere. That doesn't mean that I shy from a good debate. All opinions are tolerated here. Who am I to keep others from their First Amendment Rights?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home